this isn’t a big deal

It came to me this morning: this is totally ridic.

Feeling this way, I mean. So what’s the use in pretending? I think that whole thing was kind of silly. I think there’s a big part of me that just wants to cry and be pissed off and act like a little kid even though there’s no reason to. I think my heart has never felt so full and so empty all at the same time.

You know, if cell phones didn’t exist, none of this would have happened. Text messaging is inherently evil

The last two days have sucked like nobody’s business. And when I say “nobody’s business,” of course I mean everybody’s. And when I say “sucked” I really mean they were friggin great in the sense that they were shitty but that good kind of shitty that makes you feel glad afterwards. I’ve been fighting with Helen a lot lately–way more than normal–and things are really weird right now, so this was the last thing I needed, right? Wrong.

There’s no more big secret, so yeay. I shouldn’t have to or want to lie to or omit the truth from the people I love. And really, the biggest mistake I’ve made is just keeping everything to myself, so I’m truly sorry for that. All of your friendship means a lot more to me than that. I feel like a failure as a friend, but I know things can only get better, so that’s the biggest positive. Molly, you complete me, and I know you know this.

But I realized that this really only affects two people, and one of them is me. So, the fact is, I’m sad that our lives are never going to sync up and that all we’ll ever be is friends–that is truly disappointing. But I’m happy that you are my friend, and the time we’ve spent together will always mean a great deal to me. Because it’s always been easy every time we’ve been together, and that’s how it should be. I’m sure of it. I love you, bro, and it isn’t just because your face tastes good, but, admittedly, that helps.